The main premise of the book deals with relationship addiction, and describes loving too much as a pattern of thought and behavior which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood. The author views these women as destructive as heroin users jabbing needles in their arms. The characteristics of women who love too much are those that come from a dysfunctional home of alcohol abuse or other drugs (prescribed or illicit), growing up around the compulsive behaviour of a parent, and domestic abuse. Furthermore, a child treated as an adult and raised to the level of a parent, heavily burdened with too much responsibility, can grow up as a woman who loves "too much".
The woman has a strong attraction to men who are “needy” and she needs to be needed and is drawn to unstable relationships and damaged men. The woman often feels that she can redeem him through her love, but the relationship turns into an all-consuming and desperate yearning for the beloved, who is perceived as mysterious, and elusive. Compassion and pity are powerful components in what these individuals define as love.
Another indication of Neptune’s role in a relationship is the willingness to endure pain and hardship for the sake of the union. Suffering in love and yearning for more than is available is another characteristic of those involved in unhappy and destructive relationships with men. Neptune glamourizes the bond and she offers unflinching devotion to him.
In childhood the woman may have been subjected to eternal chaos and she has developed an overwhelming need to fix everything and take care of everyone, and she is far too willing to take on his burdens and emotional problems. The denial of the problem is undeniably, Neptune. Robin Norwood’s books have received some criticism from feminists and women's rights groups. However, there are highly relevant psychological themes that can be applied to Neptune in relationships.
Neptune is “hooked” on these type of relationships and the dream of saving someone and seeking redemption, slowly turns into their worst nightmare. The waters often turn dark, murky and treacherous, and her overwhelming and chaotic feelings leave her in despair and she slowly drowns in her misery. Neptune has great difficulty seeing what is actually there, so she falls in love with someone who later turns out to be not at all like the person she imagined.
Whitney Houston has Pisces rising and Sun and Venus square Neptune, and she had a squeaky clean image, until she married bad boy, Bobby Brown. Whitney has been abused frequently over the years and shown a decline in her mental health, she doesn’t even show up on time for appointments, interviews and other important schedules. Pluto is in the 7th house and describes some of the complex and obsessive patterns in her relationship. Tina Turner has Venus square Neptune (exact) and she was beat up by her husband for 16 years.
Not all Neptunian relationships are this complex and co-dependent, but we often wonder why it’s so difficult for a woman to leave an abusive relationship, even when she is given all the help that she needs. The powerful emotional compulsion shouldn’t be underestimated, and the woman often commits to such a relationship even if all the warning signs are flashing. Those who work with victims of domestic violence understand the frustration of this woman’s compelling attraction to her abuser, and even after all their best efforts to counsel her and provide a safe haven, she goes back to him.
Pisceans and Neptunians are not afraid of plunging into the world of feelings, and the archetype describes universal love and compassion. Commonly, martyrdom and taking care of others can also hold great emotional and manipulative power over loved ones. The subject is not black and white and I have only explored some of the darker themes in this topic, which relate to addiction in relationships and the role that Neptune plays.
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